Jane Parker vs Mobile Games (And How Uma Musume Won Out)
10/17/2025
Recently, I've gotten a new cell phone, which has been a dramatic upgrade in convenience and capability. To that end, I decided to...celebrate(?) the occasion by trying out some mobile games. This seems very antithetical to how I am normally. You might recall a while back, I dismissed Pokemon TCG Pocket about fifteen minutes after installing it. I'd say I have an extensive history of being extremely turned off by battle passes and most microtransaction models. The one short stint I had with a mobile game was, interestingly enough, Yugioh Duel Links. But I don't think that was any longer than two months or so. So what changed? This story involves reassessing my very concept of fun, joy, sort of crashing the fuck out until I learned to love the horses.
Well, I either learned to lighten up, or I'm a broken woman.
Before we get into Uma Musume specifically, let's briefly mention some of the other games I tried in this little grace period.
- Marvel Mystic Mayhem
- Punishing Gray Raven
- Reverse: 1999
- Cookie Run Kingdom
It should be common knowledge now that I am a fan of Marvel Comics. This is a more recent game with a 2D inspired artstyle, with a bit of a focus on the more magical side of Marvel characters. What this mostly means though is that non-magical characters have some random lines on them to sort of look the part. It's neat to look at, but the gameplay didn't have that much of a hook to me. Didn't hate it, but not exciting.
I heard about this game from the Castle Super Beast podcast, though Woolie didn't seem that fond of it outside of the Devil May Cry crossover. I, for one, really enjoyed the touch controls for this one and the general feeling of the gameplay. It's got a smooth framerate! However, like many (all?) gacha games, there's a point where you are introduced to like, a hundred different currencies and progression methods. This usually frustrates me. It did here too. It's genuinely confusing to try and navigate it, though I'm sure it could be done with some time. This game is also a massive 30 gigabytes on my phone, which is a bit of an ask. Uma Musume is currently sitting at a much more reasonable 7.
I decided to be a bitch and allow myself to be allured by the beloved number of my generation: 1999. I have no idea what the fuck this game is. The introduction was so bizarre and had somewhat weak voice acting that I really can't even tell you what the vibe is or what it's going for. The tutorial battles seemed like a fun enough little system, but I've shoved it out of my memory. I know that's not strictly fair of me, but who said I have to be fair to all these gambling type games?
Knowing exactly one friend who likes it, and a distinctly not-anime, family friendly style, I thought this one would be worth taking a look at. To be honest, I think it was, the production value and voice acting are kind of insane in this one. I shudder to think what "Cookie Run Money" amounts to. This one was close to staying on my phone, but when I was asked to give my Village (or kingdom?) a unique name separate from everything else on the server, I felt I was cooked. That's always super challenging!
Buttered Up For Horses
In my neck of the otaku woods, the buildup to Uma Musume's English game release has been preceded by years-long exposure from friends, mainly for the fairly high profile anime series.
I'm willing to bet that you too have seen an Umamusume in the last few years. I have been repeatedly exposed to the cutesy, detailed designs of the horse girls. I've heard the praises of the shows, and otherwise been exposed to memes, music, and the like. In other words, I'm a little more pre-disposed to like Uma Musume compared to almost everything else I mentioned. I'm well aware that this is the marketing machine at work, but a truth remains. These horses are cute.
It's this awareness of the marketing behind these enticing gambling games that keeps turning me off, which it should. Is there anything left to be said about the predatory nature of gacha games? They are designed to be various combinations of addictive, time-consuming, and best served with a credit card swipe. This is understood. It's not an accident, it never has been, yadda yadda.
Before I continue, I just want to say that of all the games I tried, Uma Musume definitely had the smoothest onboarding process. Yes, there are a myriad of currencies here too (Clovers, Cleats, Statues, Star Pieces, Monies, Support Points...) but the actual explanation of what they're for and how to play the game is much, much clearer. Career mode is fairly simple in most instances, though not everything is explained. Go ahead and see if you can find a consistent answer to what Power and Guts are for. I'll wait.
So that was one point in Uma Musume's favor. It didn't immediately turn me off; it just delayed it. The same night I installed it, however. I felt a sense of guilt overwhelm me. Tossing and turning in my bed, I uninstalled the game from my phone. It was, once again, too hard to ignore the sense that the game was manipulating me. I wanted to play again and raise more horsies. Typically, when you want to play a game more, that's a great feeling! Only a gacha game could sour it. I felt myself getting into it, and I hated that.
The Crash Out
Having buyer's remorse for a free to play game is crazy, but that's the best way I can describe it. It's not directly the game's fault, but I felt like I had gone back on some of my principles by trying and enjoying one of these games. As if I allowed myself to be suckered. Again, it's been hard for me to look at these games as anything else. If you ask me, I obviously wouldn't think that any of my friends who play F2P are gacha games are stupid, or suckers, but that's how I was feeling towards myself.
I started feeling down about my other hobbies too. Monthly comic books and manga take up a lot of space and some labor for some storage supplies, bookshelves, etc. Traditional video games, my original hobby, have just completely changed as the industry has become more toxic and unstable. Pokemon cards are scalped to hell (though, this has a mixed effect on a PLAYER's ability to buy singles) and the game has become stale for me (though it seems like the redebut of Mega Pokemon is actually going well). Fuck, do any of my hobbies not have a stupid downside?
This is an overly negative way to think, especially at midnight when I should be getting my beauty sleep. I have been known to deal with buyer's remorse in the past, even as a teenager! So, these feelings of regret and shame were overwhelming me, and I tried to think positive.
I thought I should be fair to myself and acknowledge that, at least on some level, I was looking for a cute distraction on my phone that could engage me a little bit, incrementally improving something or making a little progress. Gacha games do generally fit this bill, especially if you're a free-to-play user (the best way). Regular readers will know that I am perfectly happy, and actively enjoy time-wasting idle games like Cookie Clicker and Dodeca Dragons. I've played games like this on mobile as well (Swarm Simulator lasted quite a while), but I wanted to get something fresh and exciting. I think it's fair of me to desire this. I don't do drugs, I'm on a diet, I live alone with a kitty, and I work for a living. Would a phone game kill me?
Next, I think pretty much all of my friends have some kind of free-to-play game in their lives. Apex Legends is pretty popular with my IRLs, for example. Is there any shame in that? Not really, in my view. If you're having fun with friends, that's important. Should I keep holding it against myself?
Thinking of my friends was the biggest thing. Quite frankly, I have become sick and tired of not being into at least one of these ultra popular things that my friends all wade between. I'm not the queen of obscurity or anything, but the feeling of isolation has built up over the years. No hero shooters, no mobile games, no TCG Pocket, no this, no that...
A healthy number of my friends love Uma Musume, and have for years. I want to be with them, somewhere. I want to be a part of something in the general culture-sphere and have something to socialize about them with.
And so, the game was reinstalled.
A little vice, as a treat.
It's been about three weeks (it feels like longer, somehow...) of doing Uma Musume dailies for me. I've been catching up on the Cinderella Gray anime series. I've had laughs and shared fanart with friends regularly. I haven't spent a dime on the game (it's not very tempting with high prices), but I still have a very enjoyable distraction each day for a lunch break when the server resets. It doesn't get in the way of my comic reading either as my other favorite downtime activity.
I'm getting what I wanted out of it, and nothing particularly bad has happened thus far. In terms of connecting me with my friends online, it's actually been a raging success. Is that a good reason to install a casino on your phone? I don't know. I still haven't totally shaken the feeling that I've gone back on some kind of principle, or that I've sort of...just decided to do something stupid. But what the hell? It makes me happy, and is a touchpoint for socializing. I like that a lot.
So yes, the friends I have and the Uma community were the big difference. If you talked to me about horses on Bluesky, you are the Uma community. The elements that made it an easier, more understandable game are a somewhat small part of that. In some ways, I suppose getting into something through your friends is a healthier, more organic way than just strictly trying to collect horses and their shiny cards out of some sense of pride or worshipful devotion of your one favorite horse.
Having multiple people reach out to me to add me on the game, which has an in-game benefit of being able to borrow their cards and veteran horses. One of my friend's told me my Tokai Teio card was a lifesaver. Stuff like that as made me smile, it has actual value to me. It is connected me in a new way with my buddies. I love it.
It doesn't mean there's any less wallet-teasing in Uma Musume, or that I'm not aware of where this is going. There's still limited time opportunities for a slight increase in a chance to get a favorite character. You can watch streamers try to pull for their favorites and see how useless and horrible it is. And there's a long game to it as well, one I don't think I'm immune to. At some point, I'll have been playing the game long enough to think that a little splurge like the Daily Carat bundle looks appealing. As I get closer to that point, I will probably have another little crash out, or maybe I'll fail to pull Manhattan Cafe later this year.
You can still see the problems, right?
For now, I have somewhat uneasy but happy alliance with Uma Musume, at least as a game. I have a fun thing to talk about with the besties. My resistance will erode further. I feel a little weaker, but a little happier too.
- Jane