Am I Seeking Comfort In WoW During My Transition?

1/1/2025

I've mentioned World of Warcraft a couple of times on this site, but it was around Thanksgiving where I decided that I'd pay up for at least a month. After I had read Jason Schrier's book Play Nice, The Rise, Fall and Future of Blizzard Entertainment had me feeling both nostalgic and sympathetic. For years, without the complete story, I just held onto "Well, Activision Blizzard sucks now, I guess," which isn't totally untrue? Just to be clear, I'm not one of those folks who thinks Blizzard sucks because they "ruined the lore" or "the leader of the Alliance is gay." It was that huge 2021 lawsuit and the insane Hong Kong overreaction, things like that turn me off. Remember, all my stints with WoW were relatively short, so it's not like I was dying to play it again.

But, every now and again, the bug bites. I'm no stranger to getting nostalgic about my introduction to the game at the tail end of Wrath. But feeling soft on Blizzard after the book and having a holiday break in work, I figured, why not? One month won't hurt.

And indeed, it hasn't hurt. I've had a lot of fun with my first month in both Retail and Classic. I even got the War Within expansion on sale for the holidays, just in time for month 2. They're both roughly as I remember them, but we'll compare and contrast later.

Coincidentally, not long after I resubbed, I began my in-person gender transition. I was quickly coming to terms with this myself, and found myself privately telling some trusted coworkers. I've gone shopping for new clothes with a friend. I picked a great new name. I even had an epic, movie style coming-out at work, that included an on-stage speech and singing! Yes, I am the bravest girl. With every transition step I've taken, I needed to relax for a moment, and cool off the rest of the day.

I couldn't wait to escape to World of Warcraft. I just needed to think about something other than my own transition for a few hours. I would tell myself I'd play all night, but you know, I get tired before 10 PM...

Don't get me wrong, I already love being trans. I feel better and happier every day, but the emotional labor of coming out and rediscovering who I can be has been just that. Labor. I have to figure out my new clothes, voice, hair, fitness, and general vibe. It's exhausting. It's very fun too, of course, but taxing all the same. You know what can be repetitive, social, and let's me play some dress up? WoW! I've mentioned previously how attached I can be to Fantasy role-playing tropes. Knights, magic, monsters of all shapes and sizes, and a spirit of cooperation. I'm a total sucker for that, so it's no wonder that even when WoW dungeons can border on over-stimulating (at least for me, who likes to Tank), I still smile at the proceedings.

I have some other activities to cool off, including my ever reliable Nintendo Switch, and an assortment of comics and manga to read. But Warcraft hits that very specific fantasy I, somehow, still manage to hang onto. There are probably hundreds of middling manga with the same fantasy RPG setting I could read, or I could fire up Monster Hunter: Rise again to both dote upon, and hunt, the best monsters in the business. WoW's focus on grouping up, unique character classes, and countless activities let me live in that fantasy world. I am a Demon Hunter, or Mage, or sick Warrior, in terms what I can go do with other people.

It's easy for me to recall my time, nearly fifteen years ago now, in the Wrath of the Lich King expansion. The vast majority of which was spent as a female Blood Elf. I remember my friend, a Tauren Druid, coming to greet me in Eversong Woods as soon as I spawned in. He cast Starfall on a squirrel and shouted "Hello!" And thus, an adventure began.

What I recall less well is what I was actually thinking when I made my character a pretty girl. I can't remember thinking anything of it at all, but I was certainly interested in my more feminine appearance. Even now, I sort of default to making Blood Elves, and have to make a conscious decision to deviate. I'm pretty sure I used the old standby lines. "Oh, well, it should be a character I want to look at," and stuff like that. Around that time, I was showing much more interest in the female characters of Street Fighter 4 and BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger than the males. Except for my beloved Hakumen, of course.

If you had told the much younger me what would happen now, I doubt he'd have believed you. At least, not outwardly. Maybe he would have been thrilled, privately. I remember this one particular fanart that I held onto forever. I would look at this and think "Ah, that's so awesome, I can't wait for that to be me!" A feeling I would now say is some kind of gender euphoria. I wouldn't have thought it as such back then, because that feeling was mixed with that sense of power and growth that early World of Warcraft did so well. I'm not sure if my desire to enslave the most powerful demons in Azeroth is gender. I'm sure it was for someone. I have yet to collect this outfit in the game (it's called the Corruptor Raiment), maybe I'll make that an objective for later. I still want to be her, looking at this now. Thank you, obscure fanart!

It makes me wonder why anyone picks any particular race for their main character in an MMORPG. What attracted my friend to the cow people? Did I want to be a big, strong lady when I rolled my female Orc Warrior in Shadowlands? Does everyone see it as self expression? Or just me? Does anyone really love Undead? If I were an Alliance player, would I be having all the same feelings but with the Draenei? Between horns and elf ears, it's hard to say which is my favorite!

The modern Transmog system is a far cry from the clown shoes, mismatched everything style of classic WoW, especially in its earlier levels. You might not look cool for a long, long time. Getting your shoulderpads and at some point, eventually a hood or hat, those were big badges of progress at the time. I'm not quite as fond of dress-up when it's behind microtransactions. For whatever psychological reason, the flat subscription fee is a more palatable for me. Skins and outfits are hot commodities in modern games, and WoW has zillions of armor pieces you can rock, if you're willing to go spend varying amounts of time hunting them down. I like it.

To answer my own question... Yes. I'm at a place emotionally where World of Warcraft is a source of release and relief, not a point of stress. We'll see how long that lasts. For now, it's nice to be in Azeroth after taking all these big steps in my real-life self expression. Slaying monsters and watching shiny new gear drop is a compliment to my own feminization, while being a bit of an escape from the real life challenges. It doesn't sound as heroic as slaying monsters, but I say picking out new girl's clothes and creating my new life makes me pretty brave.

Bonus: Classic vs Retail WoW

Just as a bonus, I thought I'd touch on the popular subject of playing Classic or Retail (also commonly called Modern) versions of WoW. I've had a lot of fun alternating which one I'm playing, though with my purchase of War Within, the latest expansion, there's certainly been a bit of a Retail bias.

The modern game's biggest strength is also a source of enormous problems. There's a ton of stuff to see and do, and after a short introduction known as Exile's Reach, you're plopped by your capital city and...are bombarded with objectives and questlines like pop-up ads in a web browser. You will hear voices telling you to head somewhere as you walk in for the first time. It's insane, but I'm not sure how you fix it. Oh, right, the strength part of all this is that WoW does give you a tremendous amount of freedom about where you want to level in Azeroth. You're also free, as always, to focus on other things like your Professions, or hunting down Transmogs.

WoW does its best to put you on a reasonable track, encouraging you to play around in whatever expansion was prior, if you don't have the latest one. For me, that wasDragonflight. I enjoyed my time in the Dragon Isles (it's gorgeous!) but I hit 70 before I had explored even 1/5th of what was there. With the expansion, the new level cap becomes 80 and of course, you'd be wise to go over to the newest area and start engaging with the newest content.

None of this feels natural at all, even to me, who has a passing familiarity with it. WoW does have a load of history in it, and some freedom within all that. But it also can't even pretend that there's a smooth experience there or that anything other than the latest expansion really matters. I found myself recently in a Dragonflight Raid with a group who were trying to get transmogs. That and the Timewalking dungeons are about all you can ask for. There might be too much freedom and too much to explain for a newer player. It gives me a headache, sometimes.

In defense of the modern game, once you start an expansion, the latest especially, a sense of a designed experience can return. I didn't rocket to the level cap like I did pre-expansion. Gameplay concepts, characters and locations are presented to you at a reasonable pace with fair explanation. I feel like I'm making progress with something meaningful. It's comprehensible, maybe even good, but that sobering moment you get dropped off at the capital city is still a stain nonsense. It used to be commonly said that "The game really starts when you hit level cap," which I never agreed with in the early days. Now, though, that might be a much more fair assessment. I recall Shadowlands having a bunch of "Here's some random repetitive stuff you can do for a chance at cool stuff" after you were caught up with everything.

While getting your bearings in Retail is a weird little nightmare, the faster pacing something that works in its favor, ultimately. You are very regularly and generously given abilities to learn about and incorporate into your gameplay. You'll spend Talent points for more boosts to power. The Dungeon Finder and related systems are a huge convenience. It's very easy to hop on for a night, do a dungeon run or two, or maybe a handful of quests and then log off. You'll get a nice amount of reward for activities like that. An hour in Retail is not quite the same as an hour in Classic. I'm not totally convinced that the dungeon in Exile's Reach will prepare someone for even the most relaxed dungeons in the proper game, but your mileage may vary with that.

Classic, amusingly, has a new player experience that is still excellent. You spawn very close to the first questgiver in your race's starting area. You're likely to intuit (with some on screen help for controls) that you should walk over and click on them, and then you're off. It's so good that the comparison with Retail feels laughable.

Everything is much more structured in Classic, which is outstanding for new players. It's not a bad time to be a new player either, since recently Blizzard rolled out a fresh realm for the 20th anniversary, meaning all the adventuring areas have a healthy population. You're more likely to run into something doing the same quests, or something very similar, to you at most stages. The sense that the world is alive is very strong in Classic, aided by all the different kinds of interactions you'll have with others. Yep, it's back to manually grouping up and walking to dungeons yourself. It's immersive, and that social element is a big part of what can make MMOs so fun. Here I am sleeping with a druid in the Wailing Caverns.

The catch here is that things are glacial in Classic. I had to warm myself up to return to The Barrens and kill those zebras again. Spells and abilities are given out every two levels, but they cost money, and you're gonna need your money later for a mount. Because walking is slow. Really slow.

The secret to making Classic run a little smoother is to kill basically everything you see. Monster XP is fairly generous in Classic, something that brings it a little more in line with something like a classic JRPG. I also highly recommend some help like Questie to mark your map. Yeah, they didn't have that in Vanilla, eep!

Where as the action of dungeons and raids in Retail can border on over-stimulating, Classic is a slow, steady ramp up. The game does not start when you hit 60, getting there is a massive adventure that will have you seeing a vast portion of the world. It's much more simple, but the speed of progress can be an understandable turn off. This inverted game design means that they compliment each other well; Retail is fast paced in most activities, Classic is something you chip away at. Retail has its fair share of endgame repeatable activities, but I'll have to see that for myself later.

There are endless forum posts to read about the merits of one over the other, from folks more experienced than I. But discovering this weird sort of harmony between them has put a smile on my face. I'll see what happens as I continue my adventure. Until then...

Lok'tar!

- Jane