Celebrating Two Years

9/20/2025

Well, well, well, look who made it another year! ME! Bring it on, fascists! I could go all day!

Okay, well, seriously, this is a big milestone for me that I'm very proud of. Since the website itself didn't change that much in the past year, we'll start with the biggest thing that changed...myself!

As I write this it's been about 10/11 months since I started my gender transition, and 9 months since getting my HRT. Naturally, all my posts are signed with my name, though the old ones remain with the old name that no longer represents me. That's fine by me...eventually that stuff will be a drop of water in the bucket of cool stuff I do. I was who I was...that's all!

I think what I yap about and how I yap about it hasn't changed too much as a result of feminization. I've felt a stronger desire to be out there, however. This has resulted in things like the magazine, and a few YouTube videos. My Bluesky following has also grown a lot this year, so I feel like there are more eyes on me than the first year. In some ways it makes me nervous, being this visible. This site is still my little home and special place, no matter what else I do or where else I post.

But in the wave of bitch-ass fascism tha we are facing here in the United States, I think now is not the time to be afraid of being visible and trans. It's scary, but we've all got to stick up for ourselves and not hide or "comply in advance" with the censoring of our art and existences. I call it "bitch-ass" fascism because they will lose. They don't believe in anything. They don't have any real values. They're weak. Meanwhile, we are strong, we value each other, and I think most people are broadly on our side.

It's a great time to have your own website, I suppose. Despite my belief, as I'm writing this, fascists are trying to pin the shooting of a neo-nazi (LOL) on trans people. They're trying to legislate us out of public eye under the guise that we are pornographic, and payment processors (who are also fascist bitches) are cracking down on art and media with queer or NSFW themes. It's kind of tough. And yes, I am still at the whim of my web host (currently Neocities), but having something a little closer to our own platform is helpful.

So, yes, it's scary for me to have my voice out there (literally) and so much of who I am available to read online. Lately though, I think it's way scarier to be lost, quiet, and unknown. The fear of one thing can override another, sometimes, but the outcome is positive.

Okay, moving on from the state of the world!

The big thing this year was definitely THE MAGAZINE! I'm so happy with how it came out and the attention it got. I really can't thank everyone enough for the support. I was beyond proud to see my bandwidth usage come up that month. I'm extremely excited to do another volume, but I'm still working out how I'm going to do it. To be honest, I'm thinking of commissioning more articles from fans/readers/friends so I can focus on the design and release of the zines! It's not as fun if I just compile all my stuff...in my opinion.

My dream is to see a cover gallery of Emotion Engine magazine one day. So, we better start making steps towards that. I'm in touch with a great pool of people thanks to Bluesky, so I'm certain would could build a name people would want to be a part of. Even if I commission articles, I think I would keep it all free. That just seems like the right spirit, to me, and it avoids all sorts of other issues. My super dream would be to get a few printed, but this is quite expensive!

By the way, if you like magazines, the amazing team over at Anime Herald are doing a print magazine in November! I pre-ordered mine right away, and I can't wait to get it. Just thought you should know about that!

The second biggest (somehow...I mean, the magazine was a big deal!) thing for the site this year was Deer Clicker and "megamantest", two Javascript web games developed by me (with the help of a game engine, Phaser). This was a whole world of interesting fun. I'm proud of these too, but I'm no master programmer, though learning more about Javascript made it easy for me to whip up a funny feature like random Starwalker appearances. The response to Deer Clicker in particular was amazing, and excited me about game development. I'm not sure when or if I'll do more, but I can now say that programming is as challenging as it is fun. I don't think I could live with myself if my site never had some kind of game.

There were some minor changes to the site itself this year. At some point, I fixed a longstanding bug with transparency being applied to images where it shouldn't. It was pretty weird, but now it doesn't happen. I still haven't redone the Links sections, which has always been pretty ugly and behaves poorly at a lot of resolutions. Haha...

Sometimes I worry that my site is a little too Web 1.0 sometimes in terms of presentation. I'm not planning a redesign or anything, but a lot of my friends (like InnerSpiral, who you should click on) have beautiful looking sites that also read really well. I think I have my own aesthetic here though, and it's made me smile whenever I pull up the site. Especially on desktop, hehe.

I'm scrambling to get this done on the night of 19th. So, happy birthday to this very website! I'm so proud of all we have done for each other. Let's stay strong.

Thank you all for supporting me, and lending me some of your precious time on this Earth! It means more to me than I can fully express.

- Jane